Tess Barron
- Jun 4, 2023
- 8 min read

Part 9: Word Choice

Series Contents:

Why Show, Don't Tell Advice Might Be Holding You Back

Level 6: The Tchotchkes of Show, Don't Tell—Word Choice

Part 9! We have finally arrived at the end of our series on how to really think about the advice "Show Don't Tell."

Funnily enough, the advice given at this stage is some of the most popular I have heard. And considering all the stuff we have covered so far, it is no wonder why writers struggle to get show don't tell right if they are entering this late in the game.

Today we are talking about word choice. This is really shallow level stuff at this point, and the tips I give will do little to fix a story with poor imagery. But it will work wonders to take a book with strong imagery across the finish line.

The most common writing advice I hear on the regular (though that is a tough competition) is avoid adverbs - minimize adjectives.

It's not bad advice actually, but there is a bit more to it than that.

Let's jump right into it.

Show Don't Tell: Why Adverbs and Adjectives Aren't Strong Writing.

I'm going to ask and answer two simple questions. And hopefully, you will see why adjectives and adverbs are not always good writing.

What is an adjective?

An adjective is a word that modifies a noun or a pronoun.

What is an adverb?

An adverb is a word that modifies a verb, an adjective, or another adverb.

Notice in both of these definitions is the word "modifies." Meaning that they are words added to other words to specify the meaning of them.

We also call these Qualifiers—words that attribute qualities to other words or phrases.

It boils down to this:

Qualifiers are not good writing because it often means you are a lazy writer.

Perhaps that sounds harsh, but it is true.

Words are incredible. One of my favorite things about words is that there are so many of them. If you have anything to say, I guarantee there is a single word for it.

When you start resorting to too many adjectives and adverbs, it means that you have not taken the time to find the right word. It means that you have become lazy in your writing.

Let's look at some examples of lazy writing and ways we can fix them.

Example:

"He ran fast for the car."

Or the equally bad...

"He quickly ran for the car."

The obvious and easy edit for these sentences is to change it to "He sprinted for the car." If it was quick but not that fast, then maybe "He hurried for the car."

But even that might be a little vague. Perhaps he was in a hurry, but he is a calm and determined individual. What is the specific word for that?

Well, "marched to the car" would work well. "Advanced" might be even better. Both bring to mind the discipline of army life.

It seems simple, and well...it is.

I have another post titled: Don't be a Dick; Get a Dictionary, where I go into this issue further. That post is as important for this series as this one, and I even debated just pointing readers to that post instead of writing a part 9.

But you're in luck, because I do have some things to add.

Basically, just know that for most things you need to say, there is a word for it. A single word.

I recommended not worrying about this level until the editing stage. This is the top dressing of your novel. The small details keep it clean and pretty.

Unless you are really, really heavy-handed with the adverbs, if you have done the work we have talked about to this point, readers will not care so much about these kinds of word choices. You should have already made the images so vivid that cleaning up adverbs and adjectives is just the icing on the cake.

Not to say that you don't have to bother. After all the work you put into your book up to this point, why would you not ensure that every sentence is as precise and clean as possible?

My Best Advice: Make it Good

This all makes me shake my head a little bit. Because this is such popular advice to new writers for how to Show, Don't Tell. Granted, they are given a few more tips as well, and all will improve someone's writing a least a little bit.

But only a little bit.

And very little advice-givers attempt to explain what is at the root of the problem—help people understand what is really going on so that they can come up with solutions for themselves.

I think it is important that writers get a complete understanding of an issue so they can feel confident in the choices they make.

But I am digressing.

Let's move on to the next part of the lesson.

Diction

Getting rid of qualifiers is a start for cleaning your manuscript. But now, let's talk about one of my favorite topics.

Characterization.

I have a lot to say about characterization. In fact, it is the focus of the next series of posts I am writing and a book (more like a textbook) I'm planning.

If you are interested in learning more about characterization, I have a post here about effectively communicating your character to your reader which I really think will help you out. You can read it here.

Communicating Your Character to the Reader

Today, we will only focus on one way to characterize, and that is through diction.

Diction refers to the choice of words you use in your writing. It can significantly impact the tone and style of your work. So...basically, word choice.

But as it applies to show don't tell, diction choices are best focused on developing your POV character. It doesn't matter if you have written in 1st person or 3rd person limited or omniscient (though if the latter, you may want to look at this post here on Narrators.)

The word choices you make should be...

Connected to the theme (like your literary devices.)
Restricted to only the words your character would say (within reason.)

If your character is a street urchin from Victorian England, your story should not contain any words that person would not know or say. Like greeting his friend with a "what's up?" And you wouldn't describe the opium den he works at as "bumpin' like a night club."

Ok, so I'm being silly with those examples. Let's try another.

For instance, I watched the How to Train Your Dragon TV show on Netflix with my youngest today, and one of the characters mentioned "Swashbuckling."

Of course, my 4-year-old didn't care, but it immediately stood out to me, because the show is supposed to be about dragon-riding Vikings. Eons away from the pirating swashbucklers of the 17th and 18th centuries (though the word itself is a 19th-century invention.) They used the word to describe pirate-like activities but it just didn't fit.

Yes. I'm a word nerd. That's a good thing in my profession even if it means I'm socially not the person you may want to invite to dinner.

Another recent example I have come across was in the book Shorefall by Robert Jackson Bennett.

It is a fantasy set in a totally imaginary world. Yet this is a quote from the book:

Another blast of air, this one cold and freezing, and the Morsini soldiers found themselves dumped into drifts of arctic snow.

Did you catch the word choice mistake?

It's the word "arctic." How can you have arctic snow if you don't have the Arctic? I realize he just means cold and is comparing the climate to the Arctic, but that word just wouldn't be in his fantasy world's vernacular.

Another example, this time of good word choice from one of our books, is from Perpetual Check by F. Nelson Smith. This one was actually pointed out in a bad reader review. I mention it now because it made me laugh.

The reviewer said that the book was "unrealistic" because, in a rough situation, the main character said, "rats!" rather than the F-word.

Though the book is a cozy mystery set in the 80s, and the main characters are a little old lady and her stuffy college professor adult niece from upperclass Montreal. The characters were not the type of people who yell out expletives. They would rather die then lower themselves to that!

To add those kinds of words would be the WRONG word choice for the POV characters.

Also note: sometimes it is just fine to push aside proper grammar and punctuation for style and consistency. Does the sentence fragment fit your story and character better than a complete sentence? Then use it!

Pros & Cons of Following the "Rules"

Being careful about word choice in this manner allows you to draw the reader closer to your stories and characters and does help show don't tell. It makes the whole book an experience they can become immersed in rather than just another bland genre fiction story.

The BEST Word is Out There. Find It!

If you take anything away from this post, I hope that it is to give words the respect they are due. Without them you wouldn't have job!

The first drafts may be about getting words (any words) onto the page. But just because they are there doesn't mean they are the right ones.

Self-editing should be focused first on word choice and cleaning those sentences to the best of your ability, and only then should you worry about punctuation and fixing grammatical errors.

The best word for what you want to say is out there. And when you find it, you will be so happy that you didn't give up. I promise you.

This is the final step in Show Don't Tell. It is the detailed cleanup of all your hard work. At this point, you will have a vibrant and vivid book that jumps off the pages and gets stuck in your readers' hearts and heads.

We didn't go over plotting, structure, or character arcs. All the vivid images and show don't tell techniques in the world won't help you if you don't have a story in the first place. So by just following this series alone, I can't guarantee you will write a good book.

But hopefully, this has helped you understand how to craft engaging prose and flowing narrative that drips soggy with "Show, Don't Tell."

Next Steps

Here is what you can do for your book right now:

Go through your novel scene-by-scene and line-by-line. Spend time on each one, looking for adverbs and adjectives that can be replaced with a good single word. Get out the thesaurus and take your time. You'll find it!
Don't forget about the pacing and rhythm of your story. Decide if changing the words changes the rhythm you already perfected. It might be better to keep it the way it is.
Are there any words that are out of character, out of place, or sound strange spoken out loud?
Always put the image you are trying to make and the emotion you are trying to convey before everything else. It is your first priority.
Revise everything. Be conscious of every decision you make. The process is not easy and it doesn't go by quickly. Be patient!
Take breaks and get space from your manuscript when you need it.
When you are done revising, do it all over again, and again. Because you want to know the real difference between the writers who nail "show, don't tell" and the writers who don't? They put in the work.

If you made it to the end of this series, then thank you. Maybe you even liked it and felt you got something out of it. If you did, could you please share it with a writer you know?

And as always, leave any further questions in the comments below and keep the conversation going. I will do my best to answer all of them unless they are really stupid. Then I will only ridicule you.

Kidding. Now you are all too scared to comment, aren't you?